Berceuse for Idea

November 29, 2012

Current Event

Filed under: Uncategorized — eggman @ 1:59 am

The following exercise will help the human to experience as accurately as possible what it feels like to be an angry swearing robot. Step one. Place your right hand over your eyes. Step two. Place the index and middle fingers of your left hand into your nostrils, palm facing towards your body. Step three. Do not vomit. Step four. Listen to the music.


August 14, 2007

Bird in Night

Filed under: creative writing, general, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 9:35 pm

A shadow glided overhead silently, a black spot against the deep blue night ocean sky. A bird flying in night, colorless, songless, removing sound from beneath its wings with each peaceful flap.

Against life’s droning — the cars, the tv sets, the people chattering in the cafeteria, the dogs barking in the neighborhood — it is good to listen for that which makes silence. The pause, the moment of introspection, divines the precious thought. If one listens for the silence, one may hear the declaration of wisdom.

August 12, 2007


Filed under: creative writing, general, philosophy, science, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 6:26 pm

As an act of defiance, or perhaps in an attempt at self delusion, the scientist imposes order on his/her life. S/he walks in straight lines. S/he occupies his/her mind with impossible geometries of concentric fantasy. S/he sets about to construct the squares and perfect circles that nature mocks capriciously. S/he devises games in which real participants worship artificial but “quantifiable” measures of self-worth. The metaphorical mania with which they are obsessed renders conscience a mere corollary to an as-yet-unproved theorem.

They yawn and sip coffee, as the ashes of the atom bomb settle on yesterday’s manuscripts, archived away.

Pump pump.

Filed under: creative writing, general, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 6:17 pm

We move such that we may not die. We plan, execute a complicated dance, erratically choreographed against a scenery of unimagining faces. Open car door. Pull cash from machine slot. Place tinned beans in cart. Ring bell for service. Turn knob to activate boiling pot.

The heart beats obediently, drumming the dark fluid into the membraned highway. The lungs, following the marching beat, push and pull against the outer ether, engaged in the calisthenics that drive this machine.

April 12, 2007

Kurt escapes cage

Filed under: creative writing, general, thoughts, writing — eggman @ 1:12 pm

Witnesses report an old man wearing a bathrobe, smoking a cigarette, tap dancing, and farting on his way toward an opened tenth floor window. One distraught witness claims that the man paused briefly before leaping to stick his head out of the window, look upwards to the sky, and thumb his nose at an identified source. Despite the strangeness of this episode, police do not suspect foul play.

February 4, 2007

Blab in D major augmented 11

Filed under: creative writing, general, thoughts, Uncategorized — eggman @ 8:58 am

IF you really want to know the truth, then read the goddamned bible, because that’s where the truth is written. It’s there, plain as day, for all to read, and then read again later if they forget any of the parts. I know that I’m always forgetting some of the parts. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone and I’ll need to make reference to a passage in the bible in order to prove to the other person that I’m right, which makes sense because everything in the bible is correct and therefore any argument that cites the bible is also correct. But what happens is that I’ll forget the passage that I need to reference for my argument. Well, I have to admit that instead of admitting that I forget the passage, I save myself some embarrassment and instead try to improvise the relevant passage. Sometimes I’m way off the mark. Like this one time this guy who was trying to sell me really expensive sneakers when all I wanted was a cheap pair of flip-flops, I tried to convince him that expensive sneakers aren’t all that better than cheap sneakers by falsely quoting to him that the bible says “the shoe that one weareth upon thoust feet toucheth not the soul of the righteous, for he whose soles are grounded upon the way of good shall never haveth need of footwear”. I know that I was misquoting the bible, but I think my argument contained the essence of the bible, and sometimes that’s enough, because the essence of Good is good. I once heard that the pitch with which one recites the bible can actually change the meaning of the passage being quoted. Do you think that’s true? I don’t have any evidence in support or against, but it is a fascinating hypothesis.

February 3, 2007

Blab in F# minor

Filed under: creative writing, general, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 5:47 pm

After my cat left me I felt as though I had nowhere to go. I was lost. Oh, it was terrible. I wonder how I ever made it through. I think I was kind of fucked up for a while. My friend Gina told me that I called her several times late at night and asked her why she hadn’t cleaned my box in days. I have no recollection of those phone calls. The thing that saved me was probably my love for guns. Guns can solve so many problems, and not just problems of the emotional kind. My gun was a lifesaver. Literally. It saved my life. I can remember being right on the edge of that precipice, actually contemplating a choice between living and dying. Can you imagine actually asking yourself whether you want to live or die? Well, fortunately for me, I was carrying my gun with me that day. Just when I was about to rule in favor of death, a silver glimmer of light from the barrel of my savior caught the corner of my eye, just long enough for me to hesitate and refrain from making a terrible choice. I couldn’t resist its power. We kissed and made passionate love for the next eleven days. I don’t think I ever took my gun out of my mouth for that entire period of time. Not once. My gun made me feel whole again, and helped me see that life is precious. I even managed to find a new cat.

Memory default error

Filed under: creative writing, general, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 11:13 am

After much labor, the Jeff code has been successfully debugged. Please find attached below the amended script Jeffbrain.exe that contains the appropriate updates.

The primary bug in the previous release of the Jeff code was located in the creativity center. Attempts by the control-level routine to access associated divergent thinking software were rerouted to an impulse control module. The poorly sequenced call to this routine was resulting in a badly-mannered overflow of profanity and alcohol consumption, which subsequently generated a memory default and eventual total system failure.

Into the electronic abyss

Filed under: creative writing, general, philosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized, writing — eggman @ 10:50 am

Is it me, or has spam become poetic? Nearly but not quite while unexpectedly ungrammatical? Are the electrons self organizing?

I think it is me. Just broken bits of blackened out blogs long past discarded. Splintering, aggregating, then splattering on the screen. Perceived order is imposed by my mind “that old control freak”. I always smile at the thought that nowhere but around people will you find such perfectly rectangular objects.

So, I’ll begin with this splinter.

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